Actually Ashley,  Blog

Ring by Spring?

            The impression I had from the outset of college is that it is supposed to just be one big singles meet-and-greet.  Yes, you have to meet your friend group and all that, but I have already addressed that particular struggle.  Right now, I’m talking about the opposite sex.  College is the calm before the storm of life.  You have four years to figure yourself out and get your act together before you have to enter the real world as a productive member of society.  For many people, this ideal future for which you must prepare, includes a significant other.  So you walk into college with thousands of other hormonal young adults, all feeling pressure of a perceived countdown to happiness, and all on the prowl.

                Now what they are prowling for varies, but for the most part, the experience tends to either resemble Tindr or Christian Mingle.  There really isn’t much of an in-between.  Compared to the endless drudge of high-school, four years is not a long time and it triggers a temporary, although irrational, sense of desperation.  And with a campus full of new prospects and an already stressful environment, emotions can run pretty high.

                It’s difficult to not fall into this zoo-like frenzy.  College is already supposed to be a place to focus on the future.  And with meeting so many new people, it’s a natural reaction to be imagining in the back of your mind how these new people might someday fit into your white-picket future.  But for me anyway, this thought process did not last long.  I snapped out of it pretty fast, just watching how desperate some people were to be desired.  Just a few weeks into class, relationships had taken flight.  Of course there is nothing at all wrong with that.  To make a connection that fast is impressive.  To be honest, I was mostly just in awe of the energy and dedication it must have taken to be so emotionally invested in someone so quickly.  I’m happy for those couples.  But from my perspective, ain’t nobody got time for that.

                Some of my friends go through phases when they bemoan their singleness.  I never worry about it.  Sure, it’s fun to have, or to be, an object of interest, but it’s important to remember that college is not the last chance for…well, for anything.  If all goes well, it is a stepping stone for bigger and better things.  But in the midst of being inundated with plans for tomorrow, it is just as vital to live in the moment.  And if you are in the right place and you happen to find healthy companionship, even better.  But don’t focus on trying to force something that you have the whole rest of your life to find naturally.

                I’m personally convinced that my future husband will find me in grad school.  But even if not, I have time.  When I was four years old, I asked my mom, “Am I going to have to go out and find my husband, or are you going to bring him to me?”  She told me that I did not have to worry my little mind because she would certainly bring him to me when the time came.  Unfortunately for me, it doesn’t look like she is going to hold up her end of the bargain.  But I’m told that once you find the right one, it’s worth the time and effort.  But until I do find someone to make it worth my while, there is no way I’m going to spend energy on it.  Instead, I am content to dedicate my time to my friends and my own many issues.  Because my time is precious, even if I have all the time in the world.

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